The Past Seven Months

So, over the last seven months, my life has been a enormous pile of shit  little bit busy.
January
New year happened. That's always fun. It was cold and rainy. That's not so fun. My brother turned fifteen, and that's kind of cool... although he always seems older than that. He's taller than me now, you know. That's a little bit disheartening, but never mind, eh?
February
Valentines day. Alone. Again. I'm beginning to wonder if my choices in men might be a little bit too picky, but when I'm dating the next 'Robert Pattinson' or 'Alex Pettyfer', you'll be sorry for settling. More cold weather happened; and by now most of my new years resolutions had already been broken.
March
I turned seventeen! ...It's not a very exciting age, actually. Quite a bit of an anti-climax. It's like when you turn sixteen, and you can suddenly LEGALLY have sex.People who haven't already had sex, however, generally don't change that (at least not immediately), like me. That has also applied with my learning to drive. My provisional license is safely tucked away in my wallet, unused, shiny and new. Another new years resolution was broken.
April
Next to nothing happened in April. I swear. We had some typical April showers, a little bit of nice weather... but that's the lot. Yay England.
May
Here's where the fun starts. Revision for exams, mass panic, taking exams, mass panic. We had the typical week that the British call 'summer', and basked in all of it's glory whilst it was here. My mum turned fourty-seven, and I TECHNICALLY finished post:16 year one; dependant of course on whether or not I have to go back and retake the year due to a sheet of U's.
June
This was the month where we were technically broken up for summer, but we sort of weren't. Finishing post:16 #1, the school immediately decided that it would be good to start teaching us next year's stuff. So whilst year 11's were free, we were not. Until July. Sucks. 
My dad's birthday and father's day were in here somewhere, and I'm pretty sure he was out of the country in either America or Morocco for those. It's a hard life for some.

Oh, and my best friend ambiguously stated that he may or may not like me as more than a friend.
July (The funnest (that's not a word) month of all, and conveniently this one.)
Broke up from school. That was fun, until I got bored about a week later. Now I have nothing to do and spend the vast majority of my allowance on bus passes so that I can go to the central library to slowly but surely work through my Chemistry textbook in peace.
I found out / realised that pretty much all of the male friends I have had (that I have considered somewhat close), have liked / like me as more than a friend. There are also a few that I wouldn't consider friends, merely acquaintances whom have also done so. That's at least nine people (recently).

I don't understand it either Ron, I really don't.

What is even so special about me? I don't even know.
MOVING ON - I've found four universities in England that I am going to apply to in the Autumn! Yes, universities. It has come to THAT time, the time where we begin to consider where I'm going to end up this time next year. That's not scary at all.
Lie.
Anyway, I'm looking at doing Pharmacology - because it's basically as creative and innovative as Chemistry gets, which is pretty damn sexy. You look at drugs you already have, their physical matter, how they work and what makes them tick, and then you alter the make-up of them slightly and test them again until you get something amazing that could possibly change the world. Like a cure for cancer, or a solution to the desire for immortality. Perhaps even a cure for a zombie disease that could take the world by storm. Who knows? All I know is that it is COOL.
The universities I'm looking at are Kings College London, University College London, Bristol and Bath. They're pretty decent, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for solid D's (at minimum) across the board for my a-levels this year. Maybe then I can grovel ask for my target grades next year to meet the minimum requirements for entry.
However.
PLOT TWIST TIME.
I'm actually thinking that it's more likely for me to study in the United States of America.

Yes, seriously.

I've been looking mainly at University of Southern Florida (FL) and the University of Boston (MA), but there are obviously other options as well. As an effect of these considerations, the other day I actually booked my SAT tests (the american acceptance - end of high school - tests, kind of like a-levels but not at all like a-levels in any way). The good news about the SATs is that a lot of the tests are multiple choice (why can't English tests be like that???), but the bad news is that I have to learn maths again for the reasoning test. And not any kind of maths.
Geometry.
American universities also generally don't do Pharmacology as an undergraduate degree. AKA, I would have to take Chemistry or Biochemistry or Biomedical sciences, and then take Pharmacology as a graduate degree either here or in the USA.
That wouldn't be so terrible, but with Chemistry, Biochemistry and Biomedical sciences in the states comes Physics and Calculus* (*AKA. Super complicated brain wizz maths).

Couldn't agree more, Scotty.

But you know, the USA Further Education system almost looks too good to pass up. These days, as long as you can get a decent scholarship, prices are just as cheap as the UK (Thanks a lot, fee rises!), so now my parents don't see it as so impossible. Obviously, it does rely on my attaining a scholarship, but I'm just going to hope for the best...
I hope they like British people.
I reckon it'll be worth the cracks about my accent, the words I use and the way I do things. American Further Education is far more like an expansion of high school than the English version- you still have very time-tabled classes, and a variety of classes rather than a set of lectures around a specific subject. The sense of team sport - team in general, actually, is quite refreshing as it is / was quite absent in England, unless you go to Oxbridge and partake in something like rowing.
Me. Rowing.
Me. Oxbridge.
HA!
In the states, however, they have teams for everything. Both USF and UB have teams for-
Wait for it...
QUIDDITCH.
I kid you not. Quidditch. Guess which team I'll be joining!;-)
Probably the biggest downfall about studying in the states, bar the reliance on scholarships and the distinctive addition of maths, is the rooming. Generally you are required to live on campus in the first year - which is obviously fine, I mean where else is a Brit supposed to go?, but you generally have to share a room with someone else.
Obviously individual rooms aren't co-ed - Dorm buildings can be (thank god), but I'm generally not one for getting on particularly well with girls? And I've heard various scare stories and what-not about the types of teenage girls that live in America, and they sound (sorry to say so) worse than English girls.

DON'T EAT ME

It's just that I'm not a particularly... well... girlish girl! I'm obsessed with the zombie apocalypse, I love gaming, I don't really care about make-up, nor do I wear it (other than eye-liner), and I haven't had a boyfriend. I'm just not the 'typical' teenage American Girl; and I don't know how that will affect me. Particularly if I have to share a very very small space with someone who is.

In other news...
My dad's also been off with me this month - My mum says it's because I'm going to be moving away (perhaps 3000 miles away) and he isn't particularly fond of that idea. I say that if he's not, surely he should be nicer? :| It's not making me particularly resentful about leaving, that's for suresies.
We don't spend much time together any more, not as much time as he spends with my brother and my sister, anyway. So my mum (who had also noticed this) talked to him, and made him realise that this was true. Then, when he came back from London, when he went for some training thing, he asked me if I should like to go to the new Batman film with him.
Of course I said yes, didn't go with my group of friends, and now this has happened.

-THURSDAY-
"Hey, Kate - it's a bit late, so I think we'll go on Friday, yeah? Friday nights at the cinema are always best."
-FRIDAY-
"I'm a bit tired today, but we'll go tomorrow, I PROMISE."
-SATURDAY-
"I completely forgot that we were going to Oxford today, but we'll go tomorrow, at about two?"
-SUNDAY-
"I'm really tired today, and it's already 11am. But I feel like I'm letting you down - we'll go tomorrow, I PROMISE. I'll go and book the tickets now so that I have no excuse not to go on Monday."
-MONDAY AKA TODAY-
*Doesn't even mention it* It's now 7:50pm.

You see what I mean? He obviously doesn't care that much about spending time with me. If my mum hadn't bought it up in the first place, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about it, but now that she has I can't really shake it from my head. It's just how insignificant he's making me feel. It's getting to me.
But I shall survive.
A friend of mine, Adam, (remember him?) has offered to go with me to see it on Wednesday, and I'm just going to take him up on his offer. He won't bail on me.
Hopefully.

People. This, is why I don't ever trust anyone completely. People let you down. The only person you can rely on to get things done the way you want them is yourself, wholly and absolutely.
Pessimistic, perhaps. Realistic, absolutely.

So yep, that's the last seven months. This month is clearly in the most detail, which proves that my memory has a lot of holes and is clearly not very reliable, (which doesn't bode well for results day). If you want to share something with someone to get it off your chest, but most likely want them to forget about whatever it was that you told them, I'm definitely your girl.

One final note-

RESULTS DAY IN 17 DAYS AND I FEEL LIKE SHITTING A BRICK. 

I wont as that is scientifically impossible, and if it was possible it would hurt like hell. I think receiving a sheet of U's on the 16th of August is going to be painful enough without the excretion of a brick.

OH WELL I'M SURE EVERYTHING MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE ABSOLUTELY HUNKY-DORY AND WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND EVEN SAYS 'HUNKY-DORY' ANY MORE BAR ME BUT I'M NOT RIGHT OF MIND ANYWAY SO I WOULDN'T COUNT IN THAT POPULATION OF PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD BE SURVEYING IN RESEARCH CONDUCTED TO MEASURE THE NUMBER OR RATIO OF PEOPLE WHO STILL ENGAGED ON A REGULAR BASIS IN SAYING OR TYPING THE PHRASE 'HUNKY-DORY'.

Have a lovely summer!

Hunky-dory. Bah.

New years resolutions part dos - Failed or Succeeded?

Apologies in advance for the absence, and this time it's been a long-un. I'll try not to let it happen again, because I know that you guys would miss my witty awesomeness. No promises though.
Anyway, about what must have been seven months ago now, I made a list. A list of things I'd like to achieve - much like the vast majority of the world - and never really thought I could keep. They were called NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. Here they are once more, and to make things more interesting, I'm actually going to review whether or not I have actually kept to them. Here goes!
-Cough cough-

Keep my room clean (Ha. Hahaha. Ha. -Looks at floor covered in things with no clean space in sight- Safe to say I've already failed that one.)

Keep on top of my work (Uhm... Relatively? Although due to the fact that it is summer and I currently haven't been set any work, it's difficult to judge whether or not I have succeeded.)

Learn to drive (The closest I've gotten is sitting behind the wheel, minding my dad's car whilst he nipped into the Chinese to pick up our food. So no.)

Pass my AS Levels (We'll find that one out in about a month's time. YIKES.)

Create a increasingly successful Youtube channel (Nope. Still want to, just haven't gotten around to that yet...)

Write more original fiction (Hahahahaha, no. Fanfiction, yes. Original? Nope.)

Get a job / volunteer (I HAVE VOLUNTEERED. Once. Then quit. For reasons I'm sure will be explained later.)

Be cooler than usual (I have decided that this is unquestionably impossible.)

Update this blog more than usual (...No comment)

In conclusion, so far this year, I have been a failure and kept 0/9 resolutions so far.
Go me!

There's much more to say (about what has happened over the past seven months and fo-shnizzle, but I'll put that in a later post, otherwise I'll have nothing to talk about and wont update!

LOGIC.

Toodles!

Happy apocalyptic new year!

This is the year we're all supposed to die- 2012! Not so cheery, but in the same way, kind of exciting! Isn't it?

...Maybe i'm just insane. Quite possible!

So I struggled to come up with 'resolutions' as such today; I actually felt like the things I need to improve on, I'm unlikely to stick to? I don't really have the MOTIVATION to go through and make sure they happen. Therefore, I've come up with something new for this year.

List of things that I would like to / should do, that may or may not be achieved by the time we're all supposed to die on the 21st of December 2012;

• Keep my room clean (Yeah, right.)
• Keep on top of my work (Hahahahaha)
• Learn to drive
• Pass my AS Levels 
• Create a increasingly successful Youtube channel
• Write more original fiction
• Get a job / volunteer
• Be cooler than usual (impossible!)
• Update this blog more than usual

There. My list! c:

Have a wonderful 2012 guys<3

A month overdue post; Sorry about that ^^;

Hm, yeah. Last posted on the 27th of November.
Eeep. That is a bit late. Sorry folks.

No really - I'll try and be better.

But no promises ;D

ANYWAY;
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas season! I did, spent a hell of a lot of money on other people, and now I'm broke. But it was worth it! From what I can gather, everyone liked their things, so woo!

Christmas break is going horrendously fast - I was already supposed to have started on my work to get back on top of things... but you know me - master procrastinator and all! My mother told me the other day that I might have to think about putting my writing on hold for a while whilst I catch up with my work; and it was painful to hear. It was painful to hear because I realised recently that writing's really what I want to do with myself (writing fantasy fiction, in fact) and that everything else seems kind of mute now.
Unfortunate, when you're in the middle of your A-Levels.

And I already know what my parents will say. 'You might change your mind later.' and, 'keep your options open.' both of which of course, are perfectly valid statements. However, the motivation that I had to make those things happen has suddenly dissipated; which leaves me in a state of unfortunate sadness.

On the plus side, I think I passed some of the tests I was given before I broke up for the end of term!
(Hopefully veering away from the solid stream of 'E's I attained last term...)

Note to self: Buy more paper. You ran out last term.

Why didn't I ask for some for Christmas? Oh right. Cause it's not normal to ask for paper for Christmas. Then again, it's not normal to ask for a 'we know' Skyrim shirt either, and yet...
I got one.

Aww yeah.

Speaking of things I got for Christmas, (and believe me, I got some cool ass things! (Think the bike I showed you a while back, amazon kindle and MORE) )  I got this awesome book titled 'you might be a zombie and other bad news'.
Now most sane people probably wouldn't see this as a good thing. But I'm not most people, and I'm certainly not sane. I'm one of those crazy people who believes highly in the chance of a zombie apocalypse, and this just helps along my theory.

So I'm going to explain to you exactly what this books tells us that just might encourage you to change your mind about my complete insanity.

And don't just shrug it off. This stuff is science.

1. Brain Parasites.
No jokes, there are actually parasites which reside inside of people's heads. To be precise, they're called Toxoplasma gondii.
"Well yeah blud, but what does 'dat bug gotta do with zombies?"
Good question, simple minded chav! Well, simply speaking, the 'bug' has an ability to control the thought processes of the brain that it inhabits.
In fact...
There is evidence to suggest that when this particular parasite infects the brain of a rat; it is aware that it can only be bred in the intestines of a cat. Knowing this, it politely encourages the rat to move towards the cat; technically offering itself up as a nice tasty snack.
Mmm, brain parasites.

That's not even the scary bit. Did you know that every one in two humans is infected with toxoplasmosis and doesn't realise? Heh heh heh, maybe you're one of them... maybe i'm one of them!

...braaaAAAIIIINNNNSSSSSSSS

2. Neurotoxins
Goes a bit without explaining, doesn't it?

There are tons of poisons out there in the world... why is it beyond us to believe that some of them could cause us to look dead? Well, whoever does believe that are wrong because there are a select few that do in fact communicate the look that we actually are dead.
Neat.
The bad part is that when brought back, humans enter a... trance like... state. No memory, can only perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and shuffling around.

*cough* Zombies *cough*

Haiti shouldn't only be famous for the earthquakes you know. In Haiti, real life people were created into zombies.
CASE STUDY:  Clairivius Narcisse 1962 - Declared dead by two doctors, buried, and seen walking (stumbling) around the village eighteen years later.
Turns out that some creepy-ass priests used a 'zombie cucumber' (jimsonweed to you and me) to zombify people to get free workers on sugar plantations.

Heartless or what?

Nevertheless, as much as they can be turned into zombie like people, nothing has been proven to make them cannibalistic and brain loving. ...Not yet, anyway. Mix the parasite and this poison together... See what you get? Zombie.

There are plenty of other reasons too; I just can't be bothered to sit up here all evening explaining them to you, and scaring you till you can't sleep.

Speaking of which...

Amnesia.


Have you ever played it? It looks brilliant.. and as much as they say you must immerse yourself, it looks like a game about which you absolutely could NOT immerse yourself in. Not because the graphics are shit, or it would be really hard to; quite the opposite.

Because it could cause you mindmeldingly painful brain damage.

More so than zombies.

I'm considering getting it; but will have to laugh all the way through to hide my fear. Maybe I'd get my sister to play with me - then again, her gasping and jumping whilst I play video-games almost makes me more frightened than the actual experience itself.

Have a nice 'rest of break', and a wonderful new year! I'll see if I can drag myself back to write again soon! <333

Oh yeah, and for those of you who love me enough to want to watch it, here's a cool video I made while playing Nancy Drew on the computer! 2009 games for the win!

Back to basics, MRIs and MRAs

Doctor Who- sorry, Hu, was a big meanie.

She was really grumpy and it didn't exactly work my trust up in her... then she decided to test my reflexes and whack my joints with a weird medical hammer-y thing. I didn't actually think they did that in real life. But they do. Just in case you were wondering.

The good thing is that she told me that she really doubted anything was wrong with me at all! She doesn't think that I'm epileptic, or anything like that, so YAY! Yet, she told me that there's also a tiny risk that I have a BRAIN HEMORRHAGE so I've been booked for an MRI and an MRA scan of the brain. 

ACK.

So that's nothing to worry about or anything....

Oh yeah! And the en-suite in my parents bedroom has the only working shower- and now THAT sounds precarious. Like it's about to fall through - and if it does, it will probably take the wall between the lounge and the kitchen with it!
...Yet, my dad won't fix it.

Starting next week, I intend to spend nearly all of the 'free's' I'm given at school ACTUALLY studying. I've realised that I could be copying out the textbook into my own notes on this trusty little notebook in my free time - writing the essays I should be for English, as well as actually reading the Kite Runner - and learning the key terms for Business Studies. Because as much as the majority of Business Studies is simply common knowledge, I know that some terms I won't just know. Like 'Matrix', and not as in the movie. What the actual-
Which also means that you could be seeing some study notes as blog posts in the future! Huzzah if you're doing a-levels in the same things as me; not huzzah if you're not!

CHRISTMAS IS SO SOOOOON FOLKS! It's so so close and YAY
It's the 27th of November, meaning that it's actually 28 days away. Only 28 days until I reveal my new bike to my eyes! HUZZAH!

This is it. Isn't it BEAUTIFUL??? Screw that crappy thing about my school bag always whacking into the tire on the front of my bike and hello vintage beauty!

Mmm, it's even got it's own little stand!

Ah it's Sunday. The day of things to do, the things to do today.
To do:

• Make Breakfast - I recently mastered the art of making french toast so making breakfast for myself is not only easy, but freaking delicious too. 
• Write the Act 3 essay for English that was actually due on Friday. (And this is why I have to use my studies more productively)
• Write the Act 4 essay actually due NEXT Friday. (Hopefully that'll make up for it!)
• Write some of the Coursework essay I really should have been doing in English! (Gulp)
• Check for other homework due for tomorrow
• Iron a couple of shirts
• Shower, so that I don't have to do so tomorrow morning (I promise, I'm not a hermit! ...Yet...)

And that should (SHOULD) be all. If I have any free time after that, i'll probably be writing more fanfiction (Which I got back into! Huzzah!), planning Original fiction (If I publish a book, you'll buy it right?;D), or playing Skyrim, which still hasn't gotten old.

So what do you know, this turned into a relatively positive blog post after all!

My dad went away to America earlier - at like 7:55AM to be precise. I don't like him being gone or anything; but it's like this aura of badness and stress has been lifted from the house.

Lifted away~

Dragon Language

Dragonborn Dragonborn

By his honor is sworn

To keep evil forever at bay

And the fiercest foes rout

When they hear triumph’s shout

Dragonborn for your blessing we pray

And the scrolls have fortold

Of black wings in the cold

That when brothers wage war come unfurled

Alduin, bane of kings

Ancient shadow unbound

With a hunger to swallow the world

---------------

Dovahkiin dovahkiin

Naal ok zin los vahriin

Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal

Ahrk fin norok paal graan

Fod nust hon zindro zaan

Dovahkiin fah hin kogaan mu draal

Ahrk fin kel lost prodah

Do ved viing ko fin krah

Tol fod zeymah kein meyz fundein

Alduin feyn do jun

Kruziik vokun staadnau

Voth aan bahlok wah diivon fin lein.

Sometimes, what we think we want and what we truly want are very different things.

Hi guys; I haven't updated in forever again.

/Reliable updater is reliable.

I have a feeling that i'm going to have to get better at it though. Otherwise I feel that my mental health is going to suffer severely from not being able to spew the crap in my head to someone or something. Usually I just unload it onto my mum, but I figure that that's not very fair, as she usually picks up other peoples stress easily.

The guy I liked... Things got complicated. We met up recently actually, more recently than you might think because I had to postpone the first time (for reasons that i'll let you know in a minute!) but when we met up I truly did have a good time. I truly do like him. We even kissed a bit. But that's beside the point.

The point is, I had to think about where it left me for quite a while; leaving him in limbo. It made me feel like a terrible person, and eventually I came to the conclusion that I actually didn't want a relationship at all like I think I did. I'm one of those people who is not only anxious, but also can't handle much change all at once, and at the moment I really do have to change a lot. For work, for family, for myself- just as a part of growing.

It's a lot of pressure; and generally I can handle it, but too many things and I know i'd stretch to my limit and probably hurt more people than I would save.

The reason the first time we were supposed to meet up got cancelled; let's begin with that and casually move the subject on.

SO, my opticians appointment.

Nothing is wrong with my eyesight! Nope. Nada. Zip. BUT something could be wrong with my brain.

You see, when she was shining the light into the back of my eye (and you can really creepily see all the vessels back there .__.) I fainted. Got a huge headache, blacked out and went unconscious for a minute or so. Now apparently that's NOT normal, although truthfully I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Apparently though, everyone else does.

I have a neurology appointment on Tuesday, with Doctor Hu. Not Doctor Who. I wish.

Boo.

I also feel kind of sick right now; my throat kills which makes me feel nauseous. Yay! -_-

I had to say no to someone who asked me out yesterday, too. 

Someone out there hates me, I think.

I mean, what would anyone even SEE in me?! There's nothing here! I'm really BORING.

Oh and I have three essays to write.

That's basically my life for the past 2/3 weeks! Oh, and i'm sure you know already, but SKYRIM'S OUT.

IT'S THE MOST AMAZING GAME EVER. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I've killed... at least seven dragons, completed the dark brotherhood and the thieves guild or at least the main story) and met 3 Daedric princes. Life on that game... why can't that be life?! That would be awesome.

That's why I like that game. When my friend Adam (who's one of my best friends) was telling me about it, and telling me about how he likes to get lost in the game, I can't say I understood. I really can't. I thought it was insane; why would you want to immerse yourself so much that you forgot real life existed. So much so that you won't join an XBOX live party? It made no sense to me.

And then.... all of a sudden, it made perfect sense.

...Now I have to go for Chinese, and i'm going to post this before I forget that it exists! Thank you for reading, if of course you did. I'm keeping the faith that life will get better, and I truly hope that right now, so you should too! Oh yeah, and if someone could let me know how to respond to comments, that would be swell. Do I need to change the theme of my blog? I have no idea - but I don't want people to think i'm ignoring them because i'm NOT and I love the comments you leave!

RAMBLE<3